Victim / Survivor / Victor (3 of 10)

Open Our Eyes

To those who read this and have been abused, it may be difficult to process this information without triggering the past. I want to be as sensitive as I can to the pain you carry. Balancing this with the need to inform those who do not have a concept to the scope and tragedy of abuse is challenging. Please bear with me if I don’t get that balance right.
Several metaphors have been used to help the general public understand the plight of sexual abuse. Dr. Saltar states that “child sex abuse is like being bitten by a rattlesnake: some kids recover completely, and others don't, but it is not good for anybody” (2003). Cloud & Townsend describe skin as the most basic boundary of all, and victims of sexual abuse have been fed the lie that “their property did not really begin at their skin. Others could invade their property and do whatever they wanted” (2008).  

Another way of describing abuse and trauma is to think of your holistic self (body, mind, spirit) as a growing tree. Certain life problems can happen that makes the tree fail to receive enough nutrients, water, or sun. But trauma, in the tree example, is a lightning strike (Cloud & Townsend, 2008). Because of the effects of the trauma on the brain, abuse survivors can suffer from flashbacks, somatic symptoms, emotional numbing, and disassociation. Traumatic disorders can also include chronic depression, chronic anxiety, and chronic medical conditions, as well as compulsive behaviors such as excessive exercise, sexual disfunction or hyper-sexualization, substance abuse, self-mutilation, and eating disorders (Ingraham, et al, 2017).

In all cases of sexual abuse, the offender has some sort of power over the victim. It can be age, strength, will, money, guilt, intimidation, threats or any number of other forms of power. Victims of sexual assault feel powerless to help themselves and powerless to escape their offender. Children know they cannot withstand the attacks of adults who are always smarter and more powerful, so the only form of defense they know is acquiescence (Ingraham, et al, 2017).
There is also a further sense of shame and guilt when the abuser is a family member. Incest holds a unique place of shame and embarrassment in most cultures. Even when someone is unable to defend themselves, cases of incest add yet another dimension that needs to be factored in in this discussion.

The Bible contains accounts of sexual abuse. It does not hide the facts. Jacob’s daughter, Dinah, was abducted and raped by Shechem (Genesis 34:1–31). In a horrifying atrocity, the men of Gibeah savagely gang raped and murdered a Levite’s concubine (Judges 19:11–30). The men of Sodom attempted to rape two visitors in their city (Genesis 19:4–9). Let us consider briefly the tragedy of Tamar in 2 Samuel 13. Tamar was incestuously raped by her half brother Amnon. After being violated and then thrown out into the streets, she tore who clothes, covered her head in ashes, and cried aloud. Her father, the king, did not administer justice and she lived the rest of her life as a desolate woman. Tamar’s tragic encounter reminds us that there is nothing new under the sun. Like a tree struck by lightening, her life was forever changed by sexual abuse. 

Mindset Matters

It is important to remember that mindset matters between being sexually abused and taking on the long-term-identity of victim. People who have been sexually abused do not have to live a desolate lifestyle like Tamar. Research suggests that dwelling in a victim mentality is poor for one’s mental health and that relinquishing that view increases one’s ability for healthy, safe relationships (Olufowote R. et al., 2019). This in no way suggests that a victim must immediately make changes on the preferred timeline of others. It does, however, show that mindset matters (Colossians 3:1-2).  
The three stages of recovery from sexual abuse are victim, survivor, and the victor. A victim who struggles to cope with the trauma. A survivor who has learned how to cope. A victor has completely broke free from the prison of hate, fear, shame, guilt that enslaved her (Ingraham, et al, 2017).
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Romans 8:37 | No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
The context of Romans 8 is certainly about our spiritual safety in Christ. For the just who live by faith, there is no longer spiritual condemnation but assurance of eternal life. But we can apply this highly theological concept to many areas of life, including those who have processed their sexual trauma and no longer want to be remain in a victim mentality. While we will discuss healing in a later section, we wish to end this one by reminding you, dear one who has suffered from abuse: God cares deeply about you; you are not to be blamed; you are more than what happened to; you can overcome this. 

Works Cited:
​Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (2008). Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No. Zondervan.
ESV Study Bible. (2008). Crossway Books.
Ingraham, D., Davis, A. P. O. E. R., & Davis, R. (2017). Tear down this wall of silence: Dealing with Sexual Abuse in Our Churches (an Introduction for Those Who Will Hear).
Olufowote R., Fife, S. (2019). How can I become more secure?: A Grounded Theory of Earning Secure Attachment. Journal of Marital & Family Therapy. 46(3): 489–506.
Salter, A. (2003). Predators. Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders. Who They Are, How They Operate, and How We Can Protect Ourselves and Our Children. Basic Books, New York, NY.