Prevention and Healing: Part 1 (8 of 10)

Preventing Abuse Before It Happens

Secrecy is the lifeblood of sexual aggression (Salter, 2003). Secrecy and silence breed shame, guilt, and fear. There is only one thing to do according to the Bible. Expose the darkness and prevent it from creeping into the church and Christian families.

John 3:29-31 | And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.

Jimmy Hinton writes that children want to know that adults care and will defend them. Parents and grandparents of children want to be assured that church leaders aren't just blowing smoke. They want to know that there's actually a plan, and they deserve to know what that plan is (2021). What then, are some measures that churches and families can take to create to prevent sexual abuse before it happens?

1. Admitting that it could happen to you is one of the most important things you can do to protect your children (Anderson, 1992). There may be little harm in holding generalized expectations that the world will treat us well - so long as we prepare for a world that may not. Few of us go on a car trip expecting a wreck - why should we go? But our expectation of a safe journey does not stop us from fastening our seat belts. (Salter, 2003).

2. Create and respect boundaries for those in power that are susceptible to abuse of power. This may rub a preacher or elder the wrong way, but this is worth the risk. For example, I am a preacher and a therapist. It is easy, on one hand, to assume that I’m one of the “good guys.” I may check a lot of boxes that shows that I’m a “good guy.” But if you, as a parent, have had some negative experiences with leaving your teenager alone with an older man, then it is not impolite or insulting for you to set a boundary with me. Perhaps you inform me that your teen would like to study with me. When I suggest they come to my office, it makes you brissle. So, you tell me that you would prefer us to meet somewhere more public. What am I to do? Should I be insulted? Should I lay out my case for why I’m a “good guy”? No, I should respect your boundaries.

Here is an insightful example of how to proceed with caution:

It's hard to remember now, but hospitals were once careless about blood. The gloved and masked creatures our children know as doctors and nurses were once people who actually put their hands on patients without a latex barrier, who smiled without a mask. But then came AIDS, and it became clear that caretakers could not tell who did and who did not have AIDS until after they had drawn blood, after they had exposed themselves to possible infection. And so health care workers simply started treating everyone as though it was possible that he or she had AIDS period now they wear gloves with every patient. They use the same blood handling procedures with everyone, regardless of whether they look like they have AIDS or not. Assume every coach, every priest, every teacher is not likely to be a sexual predator, but that one could be and that you will not know if he is. Given that we cannot detect child molesters or rapists without any consistency, we must pay attention to the ways of deflecting any potential offenders from getting access to us or our children (Saltar, 2003).

3. Create a small group of volunteers who are willing to be educated and trained as advocates for sexual abuse victims.

4. Use the public assembly as an opportunity to publicly notify members about the church’s view on protecting the helpless and who they can talk to.

Works Cited:
​Anderson, B. (1992). When child abuse comes to church: Recognizing Its Occurrence and what to Do about it. Bethany House Pub.
Hinton, J. (2021). The devil inside: How My Minister Father Molested Kids In Our Home And Church For Decades And How I Finally Stopped Him.
Ingraham, D., Davis, A. P. O. E. R., & Davis, R. (2017). Tear down this wall of silence: Dealing
Salter, A. (2003). Predators. Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders. Who They Are, How They Operate, and How We Can Protect Ourselves and Our Children. Basic Books, New York, NY.