The Advocate's Responsibility to Abusers and Enablers (6 of 10)

Oppose and Expose

Ephesians 5: 11-12 have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.

To not expose sends the wrong message to the ones who are watching (Proverbs 22:5, Matthew 18:6-8). One of the most important ways children can learn the difference between right and wrong is by experiencing the consequences of their actions and by observing others experience the consequences of their actions. When the church refuses to hold sexual offenders accountable but instead insulates them from the consequences, offenders receive the clear message that they can commit these crimes and get away with it (Ingraham et al., 2017). Hebrews 12:8 says “If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.”

To not expose harms the offender (Psalm 107:17).

To not expose silence hinders God’s just judgment (Galatians 6:7-10). It is appropriate that calamities befall a sexual offender because of his evil behavior. If a man is sent to prison all sorts of difficulties arise. He loses his job and standing in the community. He may be subject to horrible treatment by other inmates who typically look at child molesters with great disdain. His wife and children may find themselves in desperate financial need. His wife may divorce him. Anyone with any compassion at all would dread to see these things happen. Shouldn't a caring church try to shield a man from the full effects of the law if possible? The answer is NO. It is always difficult to watch a person suffer for poor choices, but it is especially difficult to watch innocent family members suffer because of a bad spouse or parent. The offender, by breaking the law, put himself in jeopardy. The person who reported it is not to blame (Anderson, 1992).

Advocate for Biblical Forgiveness, Mercy, Grace, and Love

What is the foundation of God’s throne? If we don't know God's own foundation, we can't build our faith on anything that is solid enough to withstand any kind of storm…. so what the answer? Is it love, grace, mercy, or salvation?

Psalm 89:14 | Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; Steadfast love and faithfulness go before you.

Righteousness, the Hebrew term tsedeq, is used for balanced scales. It means doing what is right, fair, and honest without tipping the scales either to show favoritism or to target someone. Justice, mishpat, means judgment or the act of deciding a case. Righteousness and justice are married throughout the scriptures from cover to cover. They cannot be divorced from the other period remove one and the other doesn't make sense. This is God's foundation.

Anything that replaces righteousness and justice is antithetical to God's foundation. Placing love as God's foundation sounds nice, but is absolutely false to think that love is the foundation. Unless steadfast love and faithfulness flow from the foundation of righteousness and justice, they will become whatever we define them to be. Look at how screwed up our definition of love is in western society (Hinton, 2021).

Crucial to the healing process is the willingness to have a forgiving heart and attitude. Hatred and seething anger will only deepen the pain and feeling of loss and isolation. But this transformation and willingness are a work that Jesus Christ alone can accomplish in the life of the believer, as he personally shows the one who was victimized his great love through his death on the cross, and his great power through his resurrection. Whether or not the offender ever seeks true forgiveness, the one who was victimized can be at peace (Ingraham, et al. 2017).

What forgiveness is NOT.  Forgiveness is not anyone else’s prerogative. Forgiveness is not forgetting.  Forgiveness is not exemption from consequences. Forgiveness is not disregarding and disobeying God’s laws and the laws of the land.

How can we show mercy? Mercy is pity and compassion (Matthew 5:7). Mercy comes when sins are confessed and forsaken (Proverbs 28:13, Jonah 2:8). Mercy comes to those who fear God (Luke 1:50). Justice comes for those who do not fear God (1 John 1:9, Matthew 7:22-23). Mercy does not pervert justice (Proverbs 31:3-4). The truth is that justice must also stand alongside mercy or else you will have neither. Remember that mercy is compassion and piety it is not the suspension of justice (Ingraham, et al. 2017).

How can we show grace? First, we must recognize that using God’s grace as a reason or excuse for sin is reprehensible (Jude 1:4, Romans 6:1-2). Sexual offenders count it very important to emphasize the grace of God. They want to use God's grace as a type of force shield to protect their evil behavior, but in truth if the grace of God were at work in their lives at all, it would transform their lives towards godliness, not protect their sin (Ingraham, et al. 2017).

God’s grace produces good works, not evil ones:

1 Corinthians 15: 10 but by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain; But I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.

2 Corinthians 9: 8 God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.

What will happen to those who scorn God’s grace?

Hebrews 10:29-31 | How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has trampled underfoot the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

How then do we show grace to an offender? The best way to show grace to an offender is to call him to truth and righteousness, humility and repentance, by which, through the power of God, his life can be transformed (Ingraham, et al. 2017).

How can we show love? Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15; Romans 12:9, Matthew 16:23). Ask who is really being loving and unloving (1 Corinthians 13:5l Romans 13:10). Rejoice in truth (1 Corinthians 13:6, 2 Thessalonians 2:9-10).  The truth is that when it comes to sexual abuse, people in our churches have embraced deception. When Christians turn from this deception and embrace the truth, when we weep, mourn, and pray for God's forgiveness and for his help and power to change the tragic condition of our churches… that is love (Ingraham, et al. 2017).

Consequences and Fruits of Repentance

What happens when someone living a double life is caught? The offender who has lived a two-faced lifestyle of secret sexual violation needs a God’s providential care. If it weren't for Matthew 19:26, which says, with men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible, we may be tempted to lose hope for real change (indeed some professionals like Dr. Saltar certainly have no faith in their restoration (Saltar, 2003)). But because we trust that God can make all things possible, we believe there is hope even for the sexual offender.

It is imperative to state that hope does not negate consequences. In 2 Samuel 12:10, Nathan the prophet told David that because of his sin of adultery and murder, “the sword shall never depart from your house.” David confessed his sin, asked for God's forgiveness and fully repented. God did forgive him but the consequences were still meted out. David's life is a sobering reminder that sin brings consequences (Ingraham, et al. 2017).

While it is true that all sin is bad and is a violation of God's law, there clearly are degrees of sin and consequences. For example, in the Old Testament, when God gave His law to the children of Israel, he assigned different punishments for different sins. Leviticus 6:2-5 says that in the case of robbery or extortion, the punishment was the restoration of the full value plus one fifth. In Exodus 21:16, however, the punishment for kidnapping was death. If the sins were equal, the punishment would also be the same. In both cases, the sin is a violation of God's law, but God assures that the punishment fit the crime (see also Ezekiel 8; 16:52; Luke 12:47-48; 1 Corinthians 5).

There must be no BUTS to the consequences of sin and the fruits one desires to bear in repentance. Psalm 32: 5 says I acknowledge my sin to you, and my iniquity I have not hidden.

Those involved in sexual sins over a long period generally have fallen into a very devious lifestyle. Be on the alert for a shallow repentance, which may be nothing more than sorrow for getting caught. Genuine repentance to be characterized by several things:
(1) He must make a true confession. A true confession means that the offender agrees with God about the heinous nature of his sin, openly confessing it before the law, counselors, victims, victims’ families, his own family, and the church. To show that his confession is real, it must be open, giving the truth to all who ask. This kind of transparency indicates a true confession.
(2) He must bear fruits of repentance.
(3) He must accept the consequences of his sin.
(4) He must labor to make restitution.
(5) He must understand that restoration is not a “reset.” (Ingraham, et al. 2017).

Works Cited:
Anderson, B. (1992). When child abuse comes to church: Recognizing Its Occurrence and what to Do about it. Bethany House Pub.
ESV Study Bible. (2008). Crossway Books.
Hinton, J. (2021). The devil inside: How My Minister Father Molested Kids In Our Home And Church For Decades And How I Finally Stopped Him.
Ingraham, D., Davis, A. P. O. E. R., & Davis, R. (2017). Tear down this wall of silence: Dealing with Sexual Abuse in Our Churches (an Introduction for Those Who Will Hear).
Salter, A. (2003). Predators. Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders. Who They Are, How They Operate, and How We Can Protect Ourselves and Our Children. Basic Books, New York, NY.