Dealing with Enablers of Abuse (part 5 of 10)

Both Christian advocates and secular researchers in the field of child sexual abuse and domestic violence all agree that churches, sadly, are far more likely to be safe places for abusers, not their victims. If it were only so easy as confronting an offender and they make it right. Sadly, there is a long history of others enabling within religious communities. There is nothing new under the sun.

Consider again the account in 2 Samuel 13. There are some issues in the narrative besides the violation of Tamar by her half-brother Amnon that need to be addressed. The reader may be sympathetic to Tamar’s other brother Absalom, who silently rages against Amnon and ultimately has him killed. But a glaring omission is King David’s just and righteous response. According to the law of Moses, Amnon should have been put to death (Deuteronomy 22:13-29). But 2 Samuel 13:21 simply says that David was very angry. His anger did not motivate justice it allowed wickedness to fester. It moved Absalom’s hand to murder Amnon and eventually attempt a coup de tat. Using modern terms, David’s silence enabled both Amnon to falsely believe he was above the law and Absalom to believe that he could take the law into his own hands.

What is an enabler? It depends on the context. In a positive sense, an enabler encourages and empowers another to towards an improved behavior or goal. In a negative sense, an enabler encourages and empowers another toward continued dysfunctional behavior. In this study, we are considering the negative context: specifically, those who would enable abusers through protection, defense, maintaining the status quo, and other forms of dysfunction. The Bible says:

Proverbs 29:27 | An unjust man is an abomination to the righteous, but one whose way is straight is an abomination to the wicked.

Proverbs 17:15 | He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous are both alike an abomination to the LORD.

Isaiah 59:4 | No one calls for justice, nor does any plead for truth.

There are several types of enabling that can happen in a religious setting. Some are overt and others are covert. By categorizing them as follows, it gives us the language, reasoning, and ultimately, the awareness of enablers so that we can better understand how to oppose them.

Direct Enablers

1. Motivated by a desire to protect the offender – “He's such a nice man.”

This type of enabling is simple loyalty to a leader. To question the leader is tantamount to questioning Christ and actively working to protect the leader is working to “protect the cause of Christ.” When confronted with the evidence of this sin, and when the sin can no longer be denied or excused, the enablers may attempt to minimize the sin and convince others that it's not really as bad as it appears. They may refer to statutory rape or child abuse as a “mutual relationship” or “an affair.” They may say that “boys will be boys” or that “everyone sows their wild oats.” But sexually abusing anyone is evil and wrong and should be recognized and called by the filthy name it deserves (Ingraham, et al. 2017).

2. Motivated by self-preservation – “We don't want to hurt the ministry.”

Many in Christian environments have been deceived into believing that a flawless image must be maintained at all costs. The substance of spirituality has become less important than the illusion of success, and anything that threatens to mar the image must therefore be concealed from public view. Engaging in damage control, sweeping the problem under the rug, and hushing it up… in this kind of spiritually unhealthy atmosphere, the abuser may actually be shielded or excused through some form of convoluted mental gymnastics, while the victim may be blamed or discredited. (Anderson, 1992). When the leader decides to cover abuse, any value his ministry may have had has been lost, and the ministry has become a hollow shell. Church leaders often fear that a scandal will hurt attendance… reputation... lawsuits… all which very likely affect the finances of an organization. It is the sin that hurts the work of Christ and brings shame to the church – not exposing it!  (Ingraham, et al. 2017).

3. Motivated by a misguided desire to help  - “Why didn’t you do _____ ?”

It's not uncommon for Christian counselors to blame the abuse victim for the perceived sin of “your part” in the sexual abuse - including questioning what the victim was wearing, questioning whether the victim “cried out” loudly when the assailant overpowered him or her, and questioning any physical/biological response to the act of rape, which they say should be repented of. This shaming can silence a victim for years, preventing healing (Ingraham, et al. 2017).

 Indirect Enablers

1. Motivated by fear and shame – “I can't think about it.”

2. Motivated by refusal to believe – “It doesn't happen here.”

3. Motivated by indifference and apathy – “It doesn't affect me.”

4. Motivated by aversion to acknowledging evil – It's too disturbing to think about.” However accurate any fear or shame may be, ultimately silent enablers are sacrificing another human being on the altar of the fear of man.

Proverbs 29: 25, “the fear of a man brings a snare but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.”

What direct and indirect enablers do not consider is that that they may be enabling further abuse. Remember the statistics.

What God says about Enablers

Perhaps enablers do not consider the implications of their actions. Perhaps they see it completely different than what has previously been described.  We can be assured of this: the judgment they fall under is no less significant.

Luke 12:2 | for there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known.

Numbers 32: 23 | Be sure your sin will find you out.

Ecclesiastes 3:16 | I saw under the sun: in a place of judgment, wickedness was there; And in the place of righteousness, iniquity was there

Matthew 24: 12 | the love of many will grow cold

Isaiah 5: 20 | Woe to those who call evil good and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter

Works Cited:
Anderson, B. (1992). When child abuse comes to church: Recognizing Its Occurrence and what to Do about it. Bethany House Pub.
​ESV Study Bible. (2008). Crossway Books.
Ingraham, D., Davis, A. P. O. E. R., & Davis, R. (2017). Tear down this wall of silence: Dealing with Sexual Abuse in Our Churches (an Introduction for Those Who Will Hear).