Dealing with Abusers and Offenders (Part 4 of 10)

Myth vs Reality

A persistent myth is that of the “dirty old man,” the stranger who lurks in parks to prey upon unsuspecting children. In reality, 90-95% of sexually abused children are victimized by a family member or by someone they know and trust. In one study, half of all abusers were under age 31. Only 10% were over age 50 (Anderson, 1992). Most molesters are in a position of authority over the victim (Ingraham et al., 2017). It includes but is not limited to an older family member, a babysitter, a church leader, a daycare worker, a boss, a scout leader, a teacher, or other perceived authority.

Dr. Jean Abel and colleagues conducted studies of sex offenders in the late 1980s and asked voluntary sex offender clients how many total offences they had committed. The studies guaranteed confidentiality and thus made it easier for the offender to speak candidly. The results were as follows: 232 child molesters admitted attempting more than 55,000 incidents of molestation. They claimed to have been successful in 38,000 incidents and reported that they had more than 17,000 total victims. That means there was, on average, 73 victims per abuser. Another sample size of 561 offenders admitted to more than 291,000 sexual offenses of all kinds and more than 195,000 victims. That would be nearly 348 victims per offender. Despite the staggering figures, most of these offenses had never been detected. In fact, the computed chances of being caught for a sexual offence were 3%. (Salter, 2003).

But this can’t happen in Christian environments, right? Surely we don’t have such issues? There is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9). Why should we assume that we’re immune to these issues?

Jude 1:4 | For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.

Why does Jude refer to these men as sneaking in unnoticed? He says they were planning to commit immorality and knew certain Christians would be easy targets, because of the wrong teachings on grace. Matthew 23: 28 Jesus told a similar group who emphasized outward standards, “Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” Multiple times, Jesus refers to certain people as ravenous wolves in sheep’s clothing (Matthew 7:15, 10:16). While these Scriptures are contextually about false teachers, people who advocate and pursue sexual immorality must be included.

And while it may not need to be stated for everyone’s sake, I cannot proceed with summarizing the Biblical sexual ethic. If you desire to be a Christian (Matthew 16:24), then you must deny self, take up your cross, and follow Jesus, which includes a submission to the Christian ethic of sexuality. The Biblical sexual relationship includes: one man, one woman, one flesh, one life (Matthew 19:1-10) and that the sexual relationship happens only within marriage (Hebrews 13:4). A sexual relationship of any other kind is unbiblical and sinful.

Sexual offenders are “ravenous wolves” because they do not submit to the Biblical sexual ethics who also desire to “creep in unnoticed.” They do not want to be known. They pervert God’s grace into sensuality. The added dimension of power and abuse only increases God’s righteous wrath on sexual predators.

Dealing with Deception

If we know the behaviors are wrong and that the overwhelming majority of offenders are known to the victim, why are we so frequently shocked when we hear that good brother so-and-so led a double life? Dr. Ana Saltar reminds us that private behavior cannot be predicted from public behavior (2003). Kind, nonviolent individuals behave well in public, but so do many people who are brutal behind the scenes…The lives [predators] lead in public may be exemplary, almost surreal in their rectitude (Saltar, 2003).

The key concept that must be considered is intent to deceive. Contrast, for example, the honesty of Saul the sinner. Prior to becoming a Christian, everything Paul did (as wrong as it was) was done to please God (1 Timothy 1:13). Paul was not deceptive in his persecution of Christians. He did it openly, and everyone knew his intentions. He didn't pretend to love Christians and then secretly persecute them. He was honest about his disdain for Christians because he considered them blasphemers.

Unlike abusers who meticulously plan out their techniques and are immersed in deception to get what they want, Paul acted in ignorance and unbelief. That is why he received mercy when he repented. Deceptive people do not act in ignorance. They specialize in intentionality. They are intentional about using deception, lies, and secrecy while pretending to please God. (Hinton, 2021).

2 Timothy 3:13 | Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.

Dr. D.J. Anderson categorizes the psychopathology of denial this way:

• Simple denial: to fail to acknowledge reality or tell the truth
• Minimization: to partially admit a problem to make it seem less serious or significant than it actually is.
• Blame: to ascribe one or some other than the responsibility for unacceptable behavior
• Rationalization: to offer inaccurate excuses to justify behavior
• Diversion: to change the subject to avoid dealing with something threatening or unpleasant
• Hostility: to become so angry at the mention of a subject that others hesitate to bring it up (Anderson, 1981).

What kind of evasive answers did people give? The following is a research-created list based on interviews with sexual predators:

• Unfinished business: “that's about all.” “That's pretty much it,” and “that's about all I can remember.”
• Answering the question with the question: “why would I do something like that?”
• Maintenance of dignity: “don't be ridiculous.”
• Commenting on the question: “that's a hard question.”
• Projection: “someone would have to be sick to do that.”
• Denial of evidence: “you have no proof.”
• Accusation: “are you accusing me?”
• Qualifiers: “I can't say,”; “I would say”; “I could say”

• Answers: “my answer is…”; “the answer is...”

The answers above are intended to reassure the question that the person did not commit the crime. But none of these “answers” address the question directly or actually denied the crime. Salter, 2003).

2 Peter 2:13 | They count it pleasure to revel in the daytime. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their deceptions, while they feast with you.

Works Cited:
Anderson, D. (1981). The Psychopathology of Denial - Professional Education #9.
ESV Study Bible. (2008). Crossway Books.
Hinton, J. (2021). The devil inside: How My Minister Father Molested Kids In Our Home And Church For Decades And How I Finally Stopped Him.
Ingraham, D., Davis, A. P. O. E. R., & Davis, R. (2017). Tear down this wall of silence: Dealing with Sexual Abuse in Our Churches (an Introduction for Those Who Will Hear).
Salter, A. (2003). Predators. Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders. Who They Are, How They Operate, and How We Can Protect Ourselves and Our Children. Basic Books, New York, NY.